Miserere, The last of the Neandertal

CANCER SURVIVOR WORKBOOK

On the very same day I finished my novel, I started writing this ‘Cancer Survivor Workbook’. It wasn’t something I had planned beforehand. I finished the whole workbook in one afternoon: the inspiration came as if I had always intended to do this. After finishing it, I ran through it with ‘LC’ (see chapter I Me Mine) and she thought it would be very confrontational, and for some people most useful. I think it also can be useful for people living with a cancer survivor. You can work your way through this workbook chapter per chapter, or you can cherry pick any of the assignments that you find interesting.

You can download a digital file of this document here: shorturl.at/dNW06

Kind regards,

Ivan Lietaert

Part I: 42,000 BC

Welcome to the Marae

In this opening chapter, we get acquainted with Ungal in the prime of her life. She’s on the threshold of adult life.

1. Describe yourself in positive terms, as you were in the ‘prime of your life’. Write about your physical and mental qualities.
2. In a rite of passage, Ungal must collect four objects that are important in her young, healthy life. List (or photograph) four objects that were meaningful in your healthy life.  

Fire in the sky

In this chapter, Ungal is alarmed by the ‘fire in the sky’; the aurora borealis or northern light. It is a natural phenomenon that causes fear and stress because of its exceptional strength. It is also beyond her control or power.

Reflect upon the things that gave you stress in your pre-diagnosed life. And what makes you worry now? Write two paragraphs.

The hunt

1. Ungal and Kjerr are attacked by an aggressive cavebear and are both seriously injured. Recall the moment you first heard about the diagnosis. What were the circumstances? Who, what, where, when? Write a paragraph about these details.
2. The bear gives heavy blows with its powerful paws and claws, and almost kills Ungal and Kjerr. Which were the setbacks and blows you had to deal with? Consider your physical and mental setbacks. List them in both categories and rank them in chronological order.

Koa and Kami

1. Koa:
   In order to recover from the bear attack, Ungal and Kjerr are administered the sap of the roots of the koa-tree. It affects them mentally and physically, and helps them heal, but it also has side-effects. Which therapy and medications are relevant to your situation? What were the effects physically? And mentally? Make a list and describe them.
2. Kami:
   Kami are abstract elements, the building blocks of how we live. The term kami is Japanese and refers to the divine element present in objects, animals, plants, landscape elements, customs and even people, for which they have temples. In Shintoism every meaningful entity has its own kami. There are approximately 6,000 kami. While recovering from her wounds, in some kind of trance, Ungal discovers which kami are most meaningful to her and her way of life. Which kami are truly meaningful to you, now? Write a paragraph.

The red visitor

Ungal and Kjerr get acquainted with a visitor completely covered with red ochre paint. This person brings good and bad news. Think about the visitors you’ve received while being ill. Were they invited by you, or not? Did they bring good news, or bad news perhaps? What was the impact of their visit on you and your close ones?

The Cave of Forgotten Dreams

Ungal, Kjerr and the child travel around, from cave to cave, and create wonderful rock art based upon the stories of the cave dwellers. Create a photo collage, or write a text, in which you present who you are.

Ungal, Kjerr en het kind reizen rond, van grot naar grot, en creëren rotstekeningen op basis van de verhalen van de bewoners. Maak een fotocollage, of schrijf een tekst, waarin je jezelf voorstelt. Tip: if you work with words, you could create a socalled ‘word cloud’. You could used https://wordart.com/, which is free of charge.
Challenge: create a triptyque:  you present yourself in three panels: panel 1: how you were before the diagnosis, panel 2: how you are/were during therapy, and panel 3: how you see yourself in the future.

The Tale of the floating earth

This is a tough one… Think about your own funeral. Maybe you want to prepare it in every detail? That’s possible, but you shouldn’t feel obliged. Maybe just one sentence would do? What is really essential to you?

Part II: 2015  

The Find

1. We get acquainted with Jeanie, an archaeologist who is in charge of an important excavation. She digs up Ungal and Kjerr’s jawbones and this find launches her career. Write about yourself as a professional person: what do (or did) you do? Also write about the impact of your disease on your job.
2. Vandenbergh, Jeanie’s stepfather, informs her that he is terminally ill. Later he also informs her co-workers. How did you inform your close ones of your condition? And your colleagues and acquaintances? And: how did you feel about that? Which were the (un-)expected reactions? Add this as a second paragraph.

A bag of bones

1. After Vandenbergh’s announcement, Jeanie indulges in her work and, as some sort of escapism, she obsessively continues working. Maybe the same happened to you? Do you indulge in obsessive, compulsive behavior?
2. The other themes in this chapter are ‘guilt’ and ‘responsibility’: Jeanie feels guilty about her not visiting Vandenbergh. She also feels responsible for the archaeological team. Do you suffer feeling guilty or responsible? Why? To whom?

A message from beyond death

1. Vandenbergh dies, but leaves behind a video with an important request for Jeanie: he wants her to get tested for the BRCA gene (BReast CAncer gene). May you too have an important request or question for a close person? Write it down. Also explain why you’d hesitate to talk to those people right now.
2. Jeanie has decided to get tested for the BRCA1 gene. It is her first visit to the clinic and she feels totally uncomfortable. Write about your emotions when you first visited the clinic. Who, what, where, when, why?

Big in Japan

1. Jeanie begins a relationship with Ken, who is a very religious person. She asks him why God would allow a disease such as cancer to exist. Are you a religious person? Why (not)? Maybe you practice meditation? Or yoga? Describe yourself as a ‘spiritual person’ and how you evolved over time.
2. Jeanie and Ken book a room in a ‘love hotel’ in Tokyo. It is really special: it is a ‘infinity mirror room’: the mirrors in the room or positioned so that their bodies are reflected ad infinitum. Jeanie and Ken watch themselves reflected in the mirror, naked. Describe your own body. Force yourself to only use positive terminology. Maybe it helps when you think of the compliments you received in the past?
3. How do you go about intimacy and sexuality? Are you shy and self-conscious, or rather natural and comfortable? Can you see an evolution here? Also: how has your condition impacted this important aspect of your life? (see also: Revisited: The long and winding Road below).

The long and winding road

Jeanie crashes mentally. Fortunately, she has a refuge (or sanctuary): the valley in the Ardennes, where she finds peace of mind. Do you have a place like that? Where? When? Who?

Hi mom, how are you?

Family matters! How does your closest family cope with your disease? Parents, siblings, children? Did you expect that? Why (not)?

At the movies

1. This chapter begins with a phone call and a dialogue. Write down the ideal ‘feel good’ dialogue or phone call relevant to your current situation.
2. Above, you described a place where you can find peace of mind (see: The long and winding road). In this chapter, Diana, a construct of artificial intelligence, renders a fly-through movie of the valley in the Ardennes. Now you must do the same: visualize in your mind a place where you can find peace of mind. Make it as detailed as possible. You don’t have to write down sentences, key-words will do, because… you must visualize this fly-through for the next three days, at the same time of the day, as if it were a moment of meditation.

Insignificant whitespace

Jeanie has been tested for the BRCA1 gene, and now she’s waiting for the test result, which can take several months. How did you cope with the ‘waiting game’? What emotions did you go through? And the people around you? How did they experience the waiting? Jeanie also finds it difficult to enjoy the small matters in life, e.g. shopping. What about you? Why (not)?

“There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever”

In this chapter, Jeanie worries about the imminent test result. In order to find peace of mind, she reads about the Dalai Lama.

1. What causes you to worry a lot? Perhaps, with hindsight, there was no reason to worry? And, of course, you do have reasons to worry too. How do you prevent worrying from dominating your thinking?
2. Jeanie finally knows the test result, and it is bad… She must decide what treatment to go for. What choices and decisions  have you made yourself? Maybe these were ‘guided decisions’? Who did you ask for advice?
3. Every therapy comes with undesirable side effects. Make a list of treatments and procedures you went through, and their undesirable side effects.

Revisited: The long and winding Road

Jeanie returns to the valley in the Ardennnes and this is where she meets Totoro, the wooly spirit of the forest. She also has a really important conversation with Ken, her partner: they realize that Jeanie’s treatment may have a huge impact upon their (intimate) relationship. Write down how your (intimate) relationship with your partner was affected by your condition. What relationship related issues did you cope with? How about sexuality, fertility, and child wish? How did you cope with those issues? And your partner? What (or who) helped you with this?

I Me Mine

1. Jeanie goes through a serious medical procedure. Describe in detail the procedure(s) you went through. Work in a three column table: the procedure, the physical impact, and the mental impact.
2. In the clinic, Jeanie meets a fellow patient, Catherine, whom she befriends almost instantly. Most likely, you also met fellow patients? Did you become friends? Who are they? What is the fundament of that friendship?

Two of Us

Spoiler alert!

In this chapter, Catherine dies… She chooses to die surrounded by nature, where she can find peace of mind. Contemplating your own death… that’s tough. That’s why we do this in two parts (see also below: Part Three: Past the edge of all we know).

So let’s start with this question: have you ever witnessed someone dying? Who, where, when, how? Alternatively: how is someone dying shown in tv shows and movies? Make a list with some examples. Was it realistic? Why (not)?

Ten years later

What will the world be like ten years from now? Will you still be around? What about your close ones? Formulate a wish for each of them.

Part III: Singularity +1

Diana’s story /Jeanie’s story / Cat’s story / Ungal’s story / Kjerr's story 

Enter the mindset of five people you know: choose a couple of people from you intimate circle, and choose a couple who are more distant to you. Invent a question related to your condition, and let them answer that question. Alternatively, you could contact them and ask them to answer that question for real. Copy and paste their answers here.

Raspberry Pi

In this chapter, Jeanie uses a high tech device and they must solve a puzzle. Afterwards, it seems they overlooked a crucial aspect of the puzzle. Maybe you, our people in your circle of acquaintances, overlooked a crucial thing? Maybe they, our you, misunderstood a couple of things? Or you made the wrong decision? What were your mistakes? What were the consequences? Have you been able to forgive yourself/them?

Digital rot of the third order

Cancer (and other diseases) are often a topic in mass media. Think of tv shows, the news, series and movies, and fundraiser events. Often you’ll hear clichés, sometimes it’s realistic, sometimes it’s heart wrenching. When you’re confronted with this, what emotions do you feel? Are they positive, or negative? Why?

Jovian aurorae

1. The perception of time, and the concept of time, is a complex matter: in this chapter time itself ceases to exist! How do you experience time: has it evolved since you’ve been diagnosed? In what way? Is it something you can control?
2. The main characters are reflecting about the cause of cancer. Have you asked that question yourself? Is that question (and the answer) important to you? Why (not)?

Residual self-image loop

1. In this chapter, the main characters, who have obtained a healthy, ‘perfect’ body, as strong as an olympic athlete, called the ‘residual self-image’, are confronted with their original body, infested with cancer. Apply this to yourself and describe the two body images.
2. How difficult is it to accept your body, in its present condition? Is it weaker? Are there any scars? Disfigurations? Think of your bodily condition, and then also consider your mental well being.

Black Hole Entropy and Soft Hair

The finale is about to happen and the tension is rising. If reincarnation existed, if you got a second chance, would you do it differently? Why (not)?

Past the edge of all we know

The author reveals his vision on death and by doing so, creates a paradox, because it is in conflict with the final chapter. What is the meaning of death to you? Is there life after death?

The creator has a masterplan

Ahhh, the last chapter! In order to avoid any real spoilers, I take a different approach: as you were working on this extended work book, you most likely started thinking of intents, plans? Draw a list of those intentions… and good luck with them!